I am not a big wings fan, Like your wife, I am not into a lot of heat, but a little is nice.
To satisfy your taste buds along with those of your wife, you might want to take a two step approach. Smoke the wings with seasoning that is fairly mild and then add some spicier seasoning to the wings you plan eat or pick two sauces with different heat levels for use at the table.
For example, Frank's Hot sauce, which allegedly was the one used on the first Buffalo wings is relatively mild at 450 SHU (Scoville Heat Units). Texas Pete is slightly hotter at 700 SHU. Siracha sauce will fall somewhere around 2000 SHU. Tabasco sauce is little hotter at 3500 SHU. Cholula, which is often found in Mexican restaurants, is also around that same level. That is about as hot as I can tolerate, but only in small quantities.
Of course, for those with cast iron stomachs, there are sauces made from Habaneros, Ghost Peppers, Trinadad Scorpion peppers, and Carolina Reapers. Some of those can go well over 1 million SHU. No thanks!